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Paraprosdokians ~ Learning something new everyday

Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians. They’re figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, or phrase, is either surprising or unexpected.

And, by the way, Happy Fifth Day of Christmas ~ Five golden rings = first five books of the Old Testament.

I came up with one of my own paraprosdokian years ago, not hearing it ever said before; but I’ve I’ve heard it a few times it since. I now see it popping up occasionally, as great minds do think alike.

Time wounds all heels.

It a good response for Karma, for someone who really deserves it. (I can think of a few people, and I’m betting that you can, too.)

My father’s favorite: I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I just had a friend send the following to me, and I know that there are a few of you who would also love reading them. So, on the Fifth Day of Christmas, here’s my gift to you, today, to enjoy with a great glass of wine…

Merry (Lingering) Christmas!

  •  Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
  • Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  • War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
  • In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put “DOCTOR.”
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street…with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  • A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • There’s a fine line between cuddling and… holding someone down so they can’t get away.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
  • You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • I’m supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.

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