When a copy of Vineyard & Winery Management arrived, editor Tina Caputo wrote on Facebook that it was her favorite cover ever. I can see why.

Chad Johnson (left) and Cory Braunel (right) of Walla Walla’s Dusted Valley Vintners are having a good spit. Kevin Masterman took the shot… straight into the wind.

As I looked at it, I was reminded of spitting techniques, and that I’ve been wanting to write about them for a long time.

I wish I had written down the source in which I read that there are two kinds of tongues…

  1. ones that roll
  2. the other that can touch a nose

From this image, it looks like Chad is a Jackson Pollack, and Cory’s the Picasso kind of spitter.

It went on to state that the tongue rolling one is scientific, and the nose touching one’s the more artistic people among us.

In my own life, Jose is more scientific and can easily roll his tongue. I, on the other hand, am the more artistic of the two of us, and can touch my nose Gene Simmons style.

You can either do one or the other of the two tongue tricks; but you can’t do both. It’s genetics.

How to touch your nose with your tongue.

How to roll your tongue (a dominant trait).

So, here’s the challenge, every time I’m at a wine tasting. I would love to spit like a pro… That gorgeous, solid stream that could be put onto a canvas and have lines like a Picasso sketch be the end result. But, alas, I can’t roll my tongue. I look like an amateur, with dribble even coming down my chin, sometimes.

I’d love to look like I know what I’m doing; but it’s just not possible, people. Instead, I spit like I’ve got a Jackson Pollack upcoming painting in my mouth, and I’m putting it to canvas at the bottom of yet another dump bucket.

I spray it all over the place…in the most horrific of ways.

I’m finally reassuring myself that it’s just not possible genetically. I can’t make my tongue into what it’s not.

So, if you see me out and about and spitting with my head in a dump bucket, because I know my limitations, please excuse me. It’s beyond my control.

The rest of you, just roll your tongues and have at it. You’ll look fabulous, darling, and you know who you are.



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