It all began at a bridal shower, when I had brought some wine. Had I known the wine that I purchased had plastic corks, I wouldn’t have bought those brands. (I’m creating an unshopping list in my head as I write this.)

I forgot to have a corkscrew in my purse… I usually travel with one, but not this day. Most families don’t have a “waiters'” corkscrew in their homes. They seem too intimidating for most people, but they’re so simple. I once watched a neurosurgeon butcher a cork as he tried to open a bottle of wine. I was thinking, “Thank God that’s not my skull.”

I came home and wrote, “Removing the Cork 101.”

So, anyway, I’m at this shower, and I had to use this one, pictured to the right. When I tried to remove the cork from the screw after opening the bottle, I must have spent ten minutes giving it my best shot. (I’m not one to fail a task, if at all possible, least of which is removing a cork from a cork screw. Gimme a break!)

Then, I was handed the next contraption, and this is called the “Rabbit.” Same darn problem. Try removing the cork from something so internally constructed.

Just try, I dare you. It’s nearly impossible.

Same thing happened at the Windsor Wine Century Club meeting, with Jim Caudill just about spraining his wrist, trying to remove the cork from the waiter’s corkscrew. He did it quicker than I had at the shower, but not without us discussing it first.

Although a waiter’s cork screw is easier than the other two types to remove, it was still nearly impossible getting the cork off the screw part.

Now, I’m reminded of my frustration, again, as I just opened a bottle of wine to sample so I could write about it, and “clock it in” as a new variety on my Wine Century Club form.

Open letter to vintners using plastic corks to close your bottles of wine

Dear Vintners:

Yes, it’s really cutesy to have all kinds of reasons why you’ve chosen to use this particular cork to close your bottle of wine, including right on your corks; but, nope, I’m not liking it one bit.

Give me cork from a tree… a tree with a life cycle of 300 years as a renewable and biodegradable source, over this land fill crap that man is creating (which will last for a million years), over nature’s own closure… Cork.

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