American Squirrel Awards… Just as I was contemplating that we need another wine blog awards system, that would be something equivalent to a “Festivus” (Frank Costanza, George’s father on Seinfeld who created a “Festivus,” a Festival for the Rest of Us), along came the American Squirrel Awards.

The reason this was spinning through my head is that I’ve noticed (along with everyone else) that the American Wine Blog Awards has pretty much evolved into the same winners from year to year. I’m not complaining, understand. I was on Tom’s panel of judges the first year, so I had a hand in setting the initial stage, quite honestly. I don’t want to  take anything away from any of those winners (old and new). They deserve the attention.

It’s just that the wine blogging world is so young that we’ve not had years and years of this award thing going on and on, and we Americans have a pretty short attention span. Three years of the same thing, and we’re now going bonkers when it’s pretty repetitious… especially those of us left out in the cold.

Then, just as I was telling a friend and fellow blogger that we need a Festivus, along come the Squirrel Awards.  The need was pretty clear to me. Have you ever Googled “wine blog?” I do it all the time to see if I’m still on their first page (so far so good). When you Google “wine blog” you get: “Results: 27,200,000 for wine blog.” That’s a lot of results. So, to have fewer than 20 awards being given is very restrictive, and won’t change until people like Alder Yarrow fades into the sunset, because he found some other passion (what, 20 years from now?).

Then, up popped the American Squirrel Awards. Now, this is my kind of competition! If you aren’t on the list, you can come up with something tat will make you distinctive, like my designation: Best Ever Reference to Hyemeyohsts Storm in an Astrology Post: Jo Diaz. Let’s face it… there’s no competition for that one.

As I told Sgt. Sassafras of Las Flores View Point Squirrel Colony (Camp Pendleton CA), “This award is very important to me. You see (And I’m not making this up. It’s way to complicated.) my great grandfather (14 generations removed) William Blackstone was sent over by King James to preach the King James version of the Bible. He landed on a piece of property (and subsequently owned 80 acres) of what’s today called Beacon Hill and the Boston Commons. So, whenever I’m in the Commons, I look at the squirrels knowing that we’ve both filtered down from a time where our descendants crossed paths.”

And the winners are:

Best CSI Miami Post: Vino al Vino

Best Morris Dancing Post: In Vino Veritas

Best Tango Post: Avvinare

Best Hair: Charles Scicolone

Best Use of  “Best”: Vinography

Best Shameless Self-Promotion: Mondo Sapore

Best Use of Sex: Antiyelp

Best R&B Writing: The Pour

Best Punk Rock Obit: McDuff’s Food and Wine Trail

Best Indy Rock Post: Besotted Ramblings

Best Jazz Writing: Wine Camp

Best Co-Opted Content: Dr. Vino

Best Boldface Names: BrooklynGuy Loves Wine

Best Chance of Getting a Reservation at Babbo: The Buzz

Best Visual Re-Direct: East Village Wine Geek

Best Tax Tips: Jaynes Gastropub

Best Blog Contest Prizes Ever: Texa Cali Wine Trail

Best Non-Blogging Wine Blogger: Tish

Best Political Blogger Who Should Be a Wine Blogger: Howard Rodman

Best Film Criticism by a Wine Blogger: Tom Hyland

Best Off-Road Bike-Riding Writing: Spume

Best Synthehol Post: Wine Sooth

Best Use of Comments: Tasting Room

Best Paronomasia: Reign of Terroir

Best Sucking Up to Other Wine Bloggers: Montalcino Report

Best Italian Politician Caught with Pork Post: Luca Zaia

Most Courageous Blog (for Visiting a Winery in Illinois in February): Windy City Wine Guy (actually, for visiting any winery in Illinois)

Most Prodigious Anonymous Blog Commenter: Morton Leslie

Best Real Life Counterpoint to Morton Leslie: Thomas Pellechia

Best Use of a Kiddie Pool: De Vino

Best New Blog with the Best Ever Surname: Caveman Wines

Best Luca Brasi T-Shirt Promotion: Anima Mundi

Best Use of  “very good QPR” on a Blog: Dr. Debs

Best Ever Reference to Hyemeyohsts Storm in an Astrology Post: Jo Diaz

Best Valentine’s Day Loser  Post : Dale Cruse

Dom Ruinart Prize for Best Repurposed Champagne Saber post: GenevelynSteeleSwallows

Lenny Bruce Self-Loathing Jew Award: Rockss and Fruit

Steven Spielberg Lifetime Achievement Award for 8 Years of Blogging: Joe Dressner

Special Award for Time Elapsed between Posts: My Life Italian

Best Wine Blogs Pairing: My Life Italian and Do Bianchi

Charleton Heston Award for Best Use of Apes: Italian Wine Guy

Best Damn Wine Detectives with the Coolest Doggone Car: Starsky and Hutch

Best and Most Brilliant use of Blog Contest to get Other Bloggers to Direct Traffic to his Blog: Fermentation

All in good fun! Go nominate yourself, but you’ve got to indentify a unique, distinctive edge! as you can see from this illustrious group.